Raising a Good Man

While out at dinner recently it was suggested that I baby or coddle my son too much. While I find that ridiculous, I also feel bad for their kids-were they given ENOUGH attention? I can NEVER give my son enough hugs or kisses. I will never stop explaining things to my son or teaching him. There is nothing wrong with preparing him for something that I know will scare him. Giving him expectations and support will help him grow into a respectful, loving husband and father. In the past I would have been snarky back, now I just smile, thank them for their opinion and continue as I am.

He may be a wild, energetic, determined dinosaur, but he is also loving and sweet. He cares about others’ feelings and always tells us how much he loves us. I know extra hugs and kisses will lead him in that right direction.

Here he is playing with his dinosaurs in the kitchen because he wanted to watch me make breakfast. Then he proceeded to tell me…

Dino: “I’m gonna be big like daddy, with tattoos all over my body.” (Daddy only has two NY Yankee tattoos on his upper arms.)
Mommy: Oh really. I bet you will look so cool, but you have to wait till your eighteen and use your own money for the tattoos.
Dino: Okay, I be big like daddy with tattoos

Yes, I would totally let him get tattoos once he is eighteen, though I would try to persuade him to wait till he’s thirty. So much changes from eighteen to thirty and he may feel differently about a tattoo on his body, but then again he may love what he has. Hopefully, I will have taught him to be happy and love himself, and make good choices. Never judge a book by it’s cover. Never judge a person by what they look like, believe or who they love.

I NEVER want him to value opinions that come from people with evil or hurtful intentions. I want him to value the opinions of those people who have his best intentions at heart and love him. I can honestly say there are just a handful of people whose opinions I value. While I may not always agree with them, I value them because they are important to me and my soul. They know who they are and YES, Dinosaur is one of them. I will listen to others as they may have great advice too, but don’t rely on them as I do my special people. These people are my confidants and supporters; and understand who I really am.

You know who your true supporters are…when you are at your lowest, they embrace and love you…not complain, judge, offer advice or tell their stories. They are just there for you.

The other day is a perfect example of what I am teaching Dinosaur. I walked him up to the park, right near our home. It was empty now that kids are in school. He was having a blast playing with mommy and showing off all his skills. Then a mom, and her personal trainer I guess, came over with her son. The boy, I will call Peter, came running over to play too. His mother and personal trainer stayed near the picnic tables about twenty feet away and exercised while I was left to watch her son.

This is the face of a HAPPY and LOVING boy.

My sweet boy was having a blast, but Peter was bossy and loud. He kept telling my son which steering wheel to use and when to go down the slide. Dinosaur, just having fun, went along with it. After only two minutes, the mother came over and said he had to leave, obviously for more exercises in the next place they had to walk to. She pleaded with her son and begged him, but he refused to move. He wanted to have fun for a while, not just for two minutes.

So she gave in to him, without a thank you to me for watching her son, and went off for more exercises. I continued to watch as Peter got my son to call me a stinky monster (and not in a cute way, in a bratty way) and then started to push him. My son gently pushed Peter’s hands away and continue to play.

But when he did it again I nicely, but firmly told him “No pushing.”
Peter looked at me and stuck his tongue at me.
I sternly looked at him and said, “Do not stick your tongue out at me.”
He looked shocked that someone told him what to do. But he listened and stopped touching my son, but the stinky monster insults continued. 

After another twenty minutes his mother came back over, and pleaded with him to leave and he just ignored her. Dinosaur was in shock, now I know he is NOT perfect, but he knows when mommy means business. She threatened to go up and get him about ten times, but they were empty threats and he knew it. I thought I would help her out and told Dino to say goodbye to the boy. My sweet guy kissed and hugged him goodbye. The boy was taken aback, but still did not listen.

Then Dinosaur started acting out and ran past me, I gently held onto him and looked into his eyes. He listened to my calm, but strict words. I told him that I am his mommy and he needs to listen to me. If he can’t listen, then I would take him out of the playground. He nodded and listened, I could see the mom just staring at us wishing her son would listen. As my guy walked to the swings, Peter went down the slide and his mom caught him.

Dinosaur said “Goodbye. See you later.”
Peter responded with “Goodbye stinky boy.” and some other mean words. His mother barely reprimanded him in a rush to get to her next destination. She walked off letting her son know it was okay to insult someone.
My sweet son, said “Okay, bye boy, See you tomorrow.”

I think I am doing a great job as a mom, hugs and kisses only make him a
better boy and one day a better man.
The type of man that will sit next to his child and prepare them for the large fire that will appear as the chef cooks food. He will reassure his child that he/she is safe and nothing will happen to them, but it’s okay to be scared. The type of man that will always tell his child how proud he is of them when they do the right thing in a bad situation or just for being a great kid. The type of man that will model for his child how to be a good person. The type of man that will be the same person the other six days when he is not at church.

About karen

Karen is married to a big kid and mom to a head strong, only child. She is happy with her family of three, along with their spoiled fur baby. Karen works full time as a teacher and still finds time to blog, read, crochet, and cook. Follow along as she enjoys this life.

Comments

Raising a Good Man — 43 Comments

  1. Well, I bet the other mom will look great when she goes to bail her son out in juvie in a couple years while yours is on honor roll.

  2. I feel like I could have written this myself! I have a 2 and a half year old and though he has a temper (His dad is from Ireland) he has a sweetness and a kindness in him that I hope he never loses. He is all boy but he is a hugger and loves other children and people. I feel the same- it’s showing him love now that will make him want to show love and be kind as he grows into the strong man I know he will be.

  3. I completely relate! My little boy is a sweetheart, and I love giving him hugs and kisses – and I know that showing him affection will make him a stronger man later, because he won’t be missing the affection he didn’t recieve. 🙂

  4. I have no problem with calling out other people’s kids when they are misbehaving. If the parent won’t do it, I will. My feeling is that if my kid is watching another kid misbehaving and I don’t call them out, it’s creating dissonance…”Why does THAT kid get to do that?” Well, he doesn’t. There is never a social situation where sticking out one’s tongue or name calling is ok. So, if I see it and the parent doesn’t say anything, I have no problem telling a child that’s not ok. It takes a community to raise a child. If the parent doesn’t like it, I have no problem telling them that I HAD to say something so that MY kid doesn’t think it’s ok. My little boy is going on 6 and I snuggle him up as much as I can. I agree, that will make him a kind, sensitive snuggler of a man. 🙂

    • I wanted the little snot to tell his mom that I yelled at him so I could tell her the truth. But I knew that if I just told her, she’d just make an excuse, mothers like her are so sad and their kids deprived of good parenting. Yes, a good man is made of love and security.

    • When my kids first started having drop-off play dates at our house I found that I was too accommodating to their friends. Now if something is going awry, I give one warning then send the child home if they continue to misbehave. No child’s ever had to be sent home more than once.

      • Precisely… we have a motto at our house. If you are under our care, you play by “our rules”. We don’t tolerate that “Well, in MY house, blah, blah, blah…” I can say in all honesty that after years of playdates, both my daughter’s friends and my son’s friends LOVE coming to our house.

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  6. It does sound like you had the better approach here. And I will say that I raised my son in much the same manner. He is grown now (21 in just a week), and has become his own person. We disagree on many things, and he has made choices I would not have wished for him, but I still believe he has the right foundation to have a successful life. And, most important, I am confident that he will never doubt my love for him.

    • happy birthday to your son, that’s what I wish for my son. I know I can’t make decisions for him when he gets older, but want him to know that I will always love and support him.

  7. Hold your child as much as you and he want. I’m glad you can ignore others about too much attention. Someone once said to us that we never let our children’s feet touch the ground. I said they tell us when they want down and they did. The only thing I worried about was giving them concussions from too much kissing. Nah. : ) Have a great SITS Day and thanks for helping a boy become a man.

  8. We need to keep praying for mothers, some just have no clue what to do, they just need to be taught. Well done for being a good mom, I pray he grows in the training you are giving him.
    Congratulations on being featured on SITS.

  9. You ARE doing a great job as a mom. I see that kind of mother you ran into at the park almost everyday. The kind who either doesn’t know how to, or doesn’t want to, discipline and work on manners with her child.

    And it makes me sad. If they don’t learn now, when will they learn? I can tell you are doing a great job of teaching your little boy about respect, and in my opinion, that is what matters most in this world!

  10. Sounds like she was more interested in working out than she was in raising a kid.

    Oh, and your husband w his NY Yankee tattoos is officially cool.

  11. Subconsciously I may have scrunched my nose up a few times as I read about how poorly Peter Pan and his mother Tinkerbell behaved. You did what I would’ve done for sure. I think I would have looked on for a bit and then corrected the child. Someone’s gotta do it. Happy SITS Day!

  12. I, too, have been the playground babysitter. It makes me feel so bad for those kids. We also have a neighbor-boy from down the street who comes over to play. He’s not the nicest kid in the world, but I think everyone he knows has given up on him (including his mother) and I allow him in our house as long as he follows our rules. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to procreate!

  13. I give my sons lots of love too – I’m totally an Attachment Parent. That being said, my son’s not naturally a hugger. I still give him plenty but if I ask for a hug and he doesn’t want to I don’t force him. As long as he knows I love him I think we’re good.

    • ooops that comment was meant for anotehr reviewer….I agree.. I love to hug and kiss my son..I know he will be a good dad in return with his own kids one day.

  14. You sound like such a good mama. I love how you observe each part of this and it’s clear you adore your son. I think maybe I have been both of these sides: usually the involved mom with the well-behaved child but I must admit there have been days at the park when I’m caught up in talking to friends when another parent comes over to point out something ‘wrong’ my kid has done (thrown sand, leaving another kid out of the game on purpose…nothing drastic). It’s embarrassing but true. Hopefully that mom was just having an ‘off’ day or struggling to keep a new years resolution?!

  15. This was a great post. The most important thing especially in this day and age is for a child to have a loving mother and father. There are so many people who have no sense of direction mainly because they didn’t have a strong parental figure in their life. I hope this mother you’re talking about in this post get it together and teach her son the difference between right and wrong.

  16. I’m so thankful my husband is just as into tattoos as I am (no tattooing in our house!), so hopefully the kids will get the permanence of it. Although, recently, my husband and I were talking tattoos and I said I liked the idea of a growth chart. Just a line and a number for each birthday. Small enough you’d really have to look for it. 🙂

  17. Wow… I feel like I just relived every day at the park with my son when he was 2ish last year. He AND I were both shocked at some of the behavior of the children at the park and the lack of *simple guidance* from parents who were less than 20 feet away. It makes me sad, it confuses my son and seems to make him feel like he isn’t “safe” around children who don’t listen to their parents. It has been insinuated more than once by “well meaning” people that I am making my son into a “sissy”. I look at them and let them know that I’ll take that label over “unkind” any day! My son loves to give other children hugs and kisses and he loves to receive them. I hope the world doesn’t mess that up for him. Thanks for sharing your story! Happy SITS Day! =)

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