Tough Decison FTSF

decisionFinish the Sentence Friday

This week’s sentence is ”The hardest choice I ever made was…”

filling out and sending in the papers to destroy our frozen embryos.

I have spoken about this before and it still eats at me.

I could have either donated the embryos, but knowing that they were part of me and hubby, knowing that Dino’s brother or sister would have been out in the word, that my children were out in the world…well I couldn’t do it. I would worry that they would have a horrible life or the shock of one day running into someone who look just like Dino.

It killed me to destroy the embryos, they were our babies waiting to be born, but the money I put towards storing them was money I was taking away from Dino.

In the end I made a decision to focus our money on Dino and not what could have been. We got our miracle, our family and I needed to appreciate my blessings.

There are moments I wonder what it would have been if we took that chance and tried one last time for IVF…would it have worked? Would have I gone crazy if it didn’t? Would Dino finally have that imaginary sister he always talks about? Oh man, wonder if those embryos were girls and they are watching over him?

Then I also wonder if I would have had a repeat preeclampsia and my labor and delivery could be far worse this time around. What if had long lasting side effects or worse? Would that be fair to Dino?

In the end I know I made right decision, but it still hurts now and then.




Tough Decison FTSF — 29 Comments

  1. Ouch. I can’t begin to imagine how much that must’ve hurt. *hugs* That quite puts my hardest decision in the shade. So glad you have Dino, and it sounds as though, for your family at this time, the decision was necessary. But a horrible, horrible choice to have to make.

    • no after, reading your decison just now…I feel my decision is silly. You are so brave and powerful and I know I could never be as strong as you.

      • Your decision is the furthest thing from silly. Promise. It was real, and hard, and heartbreaking, and right for your family, but still horrible to have to make.

        All our decisions, our lives, our relevant and tough to each of us, I think, and not one entry on this FTSF has made me think that I couldn’t do what the other person has done. I know that if I’d’ve had to make the decision you did, I would’ve gone absolutely to pieces. We’re all strong in our different ways, not because we want to be or try to be, but because we have to be.

  2. Oh, I cannot even imagine how difficult it must have been to make that decision. There were just so many things to consider and balance. In the end, you absolutely did what was best for your family and that’s always the right thing. *hugs* –Lisa

  3. Karen, I never had to do something like this and give you tons of credit for making this decision. I will say, we have made the decision not to have more kids for a few reasons, one of which was because of the fact that I was high risk with Lily being on bed rest and even being hospitalized during that pregnancy. I thank god everyday she was born perfect, but would be too afraid to go through that again and possibly not have the outcome be a perfect this time out. So, I can relate slightly here. Thank you for sharing and for linking up with us again. Here is to a great weekend now!

  4. I would still wonder about it too. Clearly, you thought deeply about it and you made the right decision but those tough choices stick around forever even after we’ve finalized things. Such torture.

    • yes, I’m sure I’ll be thinking about even when he’s an adult, I know I made the right decision but will always play the what if game on some level.

  5. If you know in your heart that you made the right decision, you must rest easy in that instinct. Of course, that nagging feeling of ‘what if’ may never go away, but you have a happy child and that’s most important, isn’t it?

  6. Wow. What a hard decision. It does sound like you really did make the right one for you and for Dino. What an awful choice to have to make at all. It would continue to hurt me as well but agree that donating them would have been really really hard and I’d not want to run into somebody who looks like my son – or even look for somebody all the time who does, ya know?
    Big hugs to you.

    • YEs, I really would have spend the rest of my life wondering and looking, really looking at every kid I ran into…it wold have been harder on me.

  7. It’s a huge dilemma and I know exactly what you’re talking about. We chose to use ours and end without any embryos stored, but we were very, very lucky. Not everyone is in the position to do that either physically or financially. I think we all make the right decisions for us and I believe that you did too.

    • thanks babe. I know in the end it was the best outcome, but still haunts me every so oftten…especially when he talks about his “imaginary sisters”

  8. Wow! Today’s FTSF seems to be filled with things a guy might have a difficult time grasping. I have to admit my ignorance on this topic. Still, donating them would have been like giving part of yourself to a stranger. (I’ve just deleted three lines concerning this, as it has no business even said.) I admire your strength. The decision was obviously a good one.

  9. That’s an awful decision to have to make if you were still envisioning wanting more, but I completely understand wanting to channel that income toward Dino!

    As for donating, I look at that the same way as closed adoption. It sounds like a good idea, but how many stories have there been about people ending up unknowingly dating a sibling, etc., because of closed adoptions. The craziest story I ever heard was about a big family, maybe 13 kids? I think half were from one marriage that split and they were adopted out, and the other half was from one of the parents’ second marriage?? Anyhow, it turned out that one guy had taken his sister to the Prom, had a brother who was his best friend and was the best man at his wedding, another was one’s workout partner at the gym, etc. You just never know! I guess it was a good thing the two who went to prom didn’t end up staying together – that could have been a huge can of worms. Because she was adopted, the girl’s mother actually asked him when they started dating if he had been adopted in order to prevent that situation. He told her no, having no idea at the time that his folks weren’t his bio-parents. Or what if you did donate them and the family ended up being your neighbors and you realized on sight that their kid could be Dino’s clone … wouldn’t you just want to steal him/her?? Definitely a tough call.

    • I would definitely become a stalker if I saw Dino’s clone and would so worry about him meeting someone who looked just like him…OMG…these are all the things I worried about and worse…what if htey suffered a horrible life? It was too stressful and scary to donate.

  10. That must have been such a hard decision! I have never had to make a decision like that but I know myself well enough to know that I would be wracked by the “what ifs” either way. I’m glad you have confidence in the decision you made and I truly admire the strength it took to make the tough decision and your willingness to share it!

    • thanks babe…I know my what if would have been a 100 times worse had I donated them…I would never have piece knowing MY child was out there somewhere.

  11. That is just a hard decision, Karen. I’m sure many men & women in today’s world struggle with this. Technology has given us incredible, miraculous blessings, but also some very tough calls. Love to you:)

  12. This does sound like it was a tough decision! I applaud you for realizing that you guys made the right decision for your family. I do this too. I go through the “what ifs” and “what could have been.” The interesting thing about life is, couldn’t it be possible that you could get pregnant even though you guys weren’t expecting to in the future? I guess unless one of your were sterilized at this point. Either way, you are such a strong lady for being content with what you have and counting your blessings. I’m sure things will be just fine 🙂 xoxo

  13. Wow Karen, I can’t even imagine. There is nothing really I can say that hasn’t already been said. However, I can add a bit of personal experience. My hubby and I have always been really super fertile. Like one or two tries – and boom. So when we decided to have our third (well, I had decided a year before, but he is just slow) he was worried about not being able to – because he is ANCIENT. I of course had no worries because I’m young and hip as i always will be.


    Anyway, from the outset, he’s like – I’m not getting any testing done or going through a bunch of stuff.

    That got me thinking. Had we had a problem getting pregnant at the outset, how hard that would have been if he had said that to me then. Would we have kids, or would we even be together?

    My point is, you did what you knew was right. Whatever you chose would have been hard so no choice is good in this case. Regardless of the choice you made, you would be thinking – right?

    You know you made the right choice, so now you just have to focus on that. Plus, IVF is expensive. There are so many options out there. There are so many ways you can have a baby or a child – that don’t involve getting pregnant, being pregnant, preeclampsia, or labor and delivery.

    Women are strong. Sometimes it’s unfair that we are put in the positions that we are, but it is what it is.

  14. What a tough decision, but the tough ones, when we know they are right in our heart, really ARE right in our heart!

    Thank you for linking to Super Sunday Sync!

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