This week’s sentence is ”The hardest choice I ever made was…”
filling out and sending in the papers to destroy our frozen embryos.
I have spoken about this before and it still eats at me.
I could have either donated the embryos, but knowing that they were part of me and hubby, knowing that Dino’s brother or sister would have been out in the word, that my children were out in the world…well I couldn’t do it. I would worry that they would have a horrible life or the shock of one day running into someone who look just like Dino.
It killed me to destroy the embryos, they were our babies waiting to be born, but the money I put towards storing them was money I was taking away from Dino.
In the end I made a decision to focus our money on Dino and not what could have been. We got our miracle, our family and I needed to appreciate my blessings.
There are moments I wonder what it would have been if we took that chance and tried one last time for IVF…would it have worked? Would have I gone crazy if it didn’t? Would Dino finally have that imaginary sister he always talks about? Oh man, wonder if those embryos were girls and they are watching over him?
Then I also wonder if I would have had a repeat preeclampsia and my labor and delivery could be far worse this time around. What if had long lasting side effects or worse? Would that be fair to Dino?
In the end I know I made right decision, but it still hurts now and then.