Labor of Love

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Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 16 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Secret Subject Swap

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My subject is “Labor of Love” 

It was submitted by http://www.angrivatedmom.wordpress.com

Wow, labor of love, just three words full of so much power and emotion.

We tried for six years. Six years of trying to get pregnant, years of watching diaper and baby food commercials. Six years of being invited to baby showers and first birthdays. Six years of depression knowing it would never happen. Six years of waking up and going through life holding back tears knowing I was not a mom. Six years of sorrow and pain.

Then it was a whirlwind of information about prepping for IVF. It started with classes, then boxes of syringes, hormones, needles, and medicines. I had to organize it all and wondered if it would work, prayed it would, and tried not to fear the worst. I took on months of self-injections and my husband injecting me with hormones. I remember those nights of laying on my stomach, ice pack on my ass, waiting or hubby to give me the nightly injection. At the time it was scary and emotionally draining. Now, it’s sweet memories of a wonderful gift.

Then phone call came. That phone call, that comment that I was pregnant changed everything. A wave of relief washed over me, then fear followed. Would I stay pregnant? Would we be okay? Would I have a healthy baby? As each month passed, my baby grew. I felt him move and kick inside of me. Endless I love yous and continually rubbing my growing stomach started that day. I wrote to him and told him of my everlasting love. I told him I loved him the moment I saw him as a three-day old embryo. Yes I got to see him right before they inserted the embryos into my womb! Isn’t it amazing, looking back on that zoomed in picture…and now comparing him to AJ…what a miracle.

We survived a terrible doctor who refused to treat me correctly for preeclampsia. I should have been on bed rest or at least a work schedule that didn’t have me traveling to different schools. Instead at my 35 week appointment, I was told my baby was not at a great weight and I had to deliver immediately. After being induced and  loaded up with all sorts of medicines and finally given an epidural I had an emergency c-section. It was a risk, with all the medicine and my preeclampstia going under the knife was a risk. I didn’t care what happened to me, but I wanted my baby to survive. I delivered at 35 weeks and my poor son was only 4 pounds and 6 ounces. He spent two weeks in the NICU for an inability to swallow and low birth weight.

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Some said I was suffering from postpartum depression, others thought I was crazy. Actually I was just angry and grieving that I had to be brought into a locked room to see my son. I was miserable that other mothers on the ward got to hold their babies anytime they wanted and I couldn’t. Watching them in their rooms with their babies and families, as I was wheeled back to my room empty-handed, was torture. I was heartbroken because I had to leave the hospital without my son.

Finally when he was home, I developed repeated breast infections for two months. AJ was never able to latch on, so I kept pumping in vain. It was insane, but self-induced mom guilt forced me to keep going. Once I stopped it, a HUGE weight was lifted off of me. I felt better and really got to enjoy motherhood. I was no longer sick, and could focus on raising a happy and healthy baby boy.

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My son, his life, my journey of motherhood is a true labor of love. I am blessed to have experienced it all. I am thankful for my years of sorrow, I feel they make me even happier to be a mom.

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About karen

Karen is married to a big kid and mom to a head strong, only child. She is happy with her family of three, along with their spoiled fur baby. Karen works full time as a teacher and still finds time to blog, read, crochet, and cook. Follow along as she enjoys this life.

Comments

Labor of Love — 24 Comments

  1. What a beautiful post and truly the years you tried…were a labor of love as well. We have struggled with infertility and are in the midst of trying allthethings so it gives me hope when people like you are brave enough to share your story. I’m so happy for you and your beautiful family. ❤

    • yes, all those years as well. There IS hope, I didn’t believe for a long time, but then we got our miracle. (HUGS and LOTS of positive thoughts your way).

  2. Wow, though I knew my prompt would provoke a meaningful post, I sure didn’t expect it to fit so perfectly to its recipients birth story! Yours truly was a labor of love! While I’ve been the exact opposite extreme of infertile, my third born was delivered at 36wks for SGA and my fourth was in the NICU for 2½wks due to breathing complications and small heart murmur monitoring, and was intubated and tube fed for her first few days, never learning to latch either. I went through the same pump routine for three months because I didn’t want to admit I couldn’t nurse get like my other 3. Then I developed a bad infection in my thyroid that made me have to stop pumping because of the meds. Your journey may not have been easy, it may not have been textbook, or even perfect, but it was designed to make you the mother you are, to prepare you for the patience of raising a kid for eighteen long years, and it’s all yours to own! Phenomenal piece!

    • I saw the prompt and I KNEW right away what I would write….what a wonderful prompt. I totally agree with you, the journey we take makes us the moms we are meant to be. Oh boy, that must have been so emotionally draining and scary, I am glad your little ones all made it home safely and healthy. No matter what the journey we took, we are all truly blessed.

    • A labor so worth it thought. I did fall into that guilt for a while, until someone talked some sense into me. I realized I couldn’t be a good mom if I was always sick.

  3. Wow labour of love is an understatement. I had to watch my sister in law go through something similar when both of her kids were born 10 weeks early, the months of watching your child grow up in a box would be absolute torture. I’m glad all your labour ended in something so beautiful.

    • yes, I think the hardest part is not being able to hold your own child…too many terrible emotions…but it makes taking them home even more powerul.

  4. I got a bit teary-eyed. Such a beautiful story with the perfect ending.

    As for the shots in the ass… I didn’t have IVF, but during my pregnancies, I had terrible anxiety attacks. The only way to bring me out was to go get a sedative shot into my ass cheek. There is still a spot that reacts differently to touch than the rest!

    • Oh no, anxiety attackes are no joke. I don’t have any different feelings from the shots, but I will never forget the HUGE needles. The c-section scar still feels weird though.

Would love to read your thoughts