Bare Your Soul With Love

Five Minute Friday: BARE

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

Okay, as I type this I am watching my son play with dinosaurs and trying to keep him quiet in the morning. So I hope this post makes sense.

I have two friends, two good friends, two friends who know my deepest, darkest, weird, lovely, and amorous fantasies. They were there for me when I was scared and depressed, they were there for me when I needed positive Diva thoughts while going through IVF. They were there for me when I started the injections and filled my heart and soul with all the love and good thoughts in the world. I can bare my soul to them and know they will laugh in shock as they admit they feel the same way.

There is nothing they can tell me or show me that would make me run in fear. There is nothing they can do that would make me turn my back on them. They have bared their souls to me as well. We have shared secrets that would destroy us if they ever got out, but we hold onto them making us love each other more.

I wish I could see them more often, but no matter how much time passes…no time has passed at all. It’s as if we were just chatting yesterday, as if we are just finishing our conversation, just being who we are.

Without Cathy and Kit, I would NOT be the positive person I am. I would not be a mother, if I didn’t have their support through it all I would only be a shell of who I am. I owe them my life and love. They will always be a part of me.

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1. What holiday do you wish did not exist? Valentines Day….it’s so annoying to me. It’s not a real holiday. I am so tried of the chocolate and flowers being advertised. I don’t want hubby to buy me anything special on this day, just treat me like gold every day and I’ll be happy. Spoiling me one day, is not love. Don’t get me wrong, I BELIEVE in love, I BELIEVE in romance, I BELIEVE in true LOVE and winning your love’s heart. Just do it EVERYDAY, not just on one day.

2. What is your favorite romance/love movie? I LOVE the movies Love Actually and The Holiday. When I watch these two movies I swoon and cry and renew my belief in true love. I renew my faith in love, hope, and goodness.

Love Actually (2003) Poster                         The Holiday (2006) Poster

3. Do you make a big production out of celebrating Valentine’s Day? NOPE. We used to go out to dinner, then moved it to the weekend before or after. Now it’s a big deal for my son because it’s fun to watch Holidays through his eyes. I think the holiday is annoying, see question #1

4. What is something weird you did as a child? (or even now!) I talk to myself, well not just talk to myself. I have full conversations and pretend I am talking to other people. It’s strange I know and sounds psychotic, but it’s a great stress breaker and really works. Seriously!

5. What makes you love your husband, really LOVE him, you know since Valentines is coming up? Hmmmm…when plays with our son without being told. When he picks something up for me, that I REALLY like and not something he likes and wants me to like. When he says he’ll do something for me and ACTUALLY gets up and does it.When he picks up almond milk and buys two instead of one. It’s always the little things.

Afraid, but Worth It

It’s Friday and time for  Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday.

Five Minute Friday: AFRAID

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

He’s afraid of monsters in his room at night. He’s afraid of shadows in his room. He’s afraid of the loud truck as we walk down the street. He’s afraid the medicine I have to put on his boo boo will hurt. He’s afraid thunder when there’s a loud storm. I hug him, kiss him, reassure him that all will be safe. Mommy, Daddy, and God are watching over him.

I’m afraid of him getting hurt and not being able to comfort him. I’m afraid of him being disappointed when failing a test or not making the team. I’m afraid of his heart breaking when the one he loves, loves someone else. I’m afraid that he will forget how to love and enjoy life. I’m afraid that he will be alone when he is older. I’m afraid he will be faced with pure evil and not have me there to protect him. Despite all my fears, I pray to God. I pray that he remembers God is always there, watching over him and standing there to support him. I pray that he remembers being a good person is more important than being right. I pray that he finds true love and happiness in himself and others and not in material things.

Whenever I get too worried, I smile thinking about him singing the lyrics to Tom Petty’s song I Won’t Back Down. It was featured in the kids movie, Barnyard. He will sing these lyrics and it gives me hope that he will never be afraid or alone.

You could stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won’t back down

But I’ll stand my ground and I won’t back down

superman

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1. What is your favorite book to read with your kids? I love reading I’ll Love you Forever to my guy. It’s a mom and her little boy. There are not too many books about only kids, so this one is perfect. I also love reading Oh The Places You’ll Go he doesn’t really understand it now, but one day he will.

Love You ForeverOh, the Places You'll Go!

2. After having kids, what body part has changed the most? It should be what hasn’t changed, LOL. My skin is dryer, my body bigger, my feet bigger, my hair dryer…but Dinosaur was worth it.

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3. Would you ever go back to college? What would you study? I’m always taking courses for professional development, but I wold love to take some culinary courses. It would be quite fantastic to cook and bake like a pro.

4. How do you close a phone call? Bye, bye bye or other? Usually I end with my calls with… “Oh no, Dinosaur is_____________. I gotta go.” I don’t have too many uninterrupted calls when he’s around.

5. What is the one food that will always be your “cheat food” on a diet? I was thinking hard about this, but the answer is EVERYTHING. I love food and really wouldn’t pass anything up. 

Again and Evil Spiders

It’s Friday and time for  Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday.

Five Minute Friday: AGAIN

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.

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He calls “mooooommmmmy” from his room once again. I wait a minute and then go to him. He asks if he can have honey for his throat.

He calls “mooooommmmmy” from his room once again. I wait a minute and then go to him. He asks if he can have medicine for his head (he is fine and I reassure him medicine is ONLY for when you are sick.)

He calls “mooooommmmmy” from his room once again. I wait a minute and then go to him. He asks if he can sleep in my bed. I tell him he is safe and comfy in his own room, God, mommy and daddy are watching over him.

He calls “mooooommmmmy” from his room once again. I wait a minute and then go to him. I know that this will go on all night until I bring him into my bed.

No matter how frustrated or tired I am, he needs me. As I hear from his stuffy noise and mucus in his throat he has a cold. Now I know why he kept calling me. He needed me and I am there for him. I cuddle him in his sleep and rub his back. I know this may happen again and again, but one day he will no longer need me. I am going to cherish each moment with him, even if it’s during a sleepless night.

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1. Do you embrace or dread snow/cold weather days? I HATE the winter and snow. It is scary and horrible to drive through and the cold is terrible. I hate wearing all the jackets and accessories, I need to drive without my jacket at times, I feel so claustrophobic. Another thing I hate about this weather is the static cling. It’s all over my apartment and I have no idea how to get rid of it. Any suggestions?

2. Which game show or reality show could you totally win? Anything related to Twilight, CSI, or Law and Order SVU…but not on TV and no Reality TV. I would just like to play a game at home.

3. What is your preferred climate?  Is there a climate where it’s fall or spring all year round? If so then that is the climate that I would LOVE.

4. What do you buy every time you walk into the grocery store, no matter what? almond milk, bread, juice for Dino, carrots, sauce, and pasta. I am sure there is more, we seem to run out of food way too fast.

5. If you see a spider/bug in the house, are you brave enough to kill it, or do you call for your hubby?  It depends on the size of the evil insect and where it is located. If it’s scary looking or is trying to communicate that it wants to kill me, hubby needs to destroy it. If it is high up and wants to jump on me, hubby has to kill it. Though, there have been times when I have been alone and used an entire can of Lysol to poison it and smash it into dust. 

BUT OMG…one time there was a spider on the ceiling, and evil spider that wanted to harm me. Hubby got up on a step stool to smash it and it’s dead body flung right at my face. I just about had a heart attack. If our son wasn’t sleeping, I would have screamed at the top of my lungs and ran out of the and ripped off my pajamas. It took about thirty minutes for me to really calm down. See all spiders are EVIL.

Opportunity to Hug More

It’s Friday and time for  Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday. Sometime it’s so strange and weird, LOL.

Five Minute Friday: OPPORTUNITY

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Too often we focus on what we want and don’t have, or what we need to make our lives better. Instead we need to focus on what we already have that makes our lives wonderful. If we stop to than God for the amazing gifts we have we will see how blessed we are.

I have a wonderful opportunity to be a mom who can teach her son to love with his whole heart, have faith, be a good man and understand how to be truly happy.

I had an opportunity to rebuild my faith, not only for myself but for my son.

I had an opportunity to work for a different company, and despite the fears and nervousness I jumped in and am loving what I do.

I have an opportunity to be a better wife, to show my husband patience and understanding at the most difficult times.

I have an opportunity to enjoy every moment of my life, to see each moment as a treasure gift and live life to the fullest.

I don’t want to squander these opportunities, rather take them in my arms and be the best mom and wife I can be.

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1. Have you set any goals/resolutions for 2013? LOL…I am posting about my resolutions in the super secret swap later on today.

2. Have you made any travel/vacation plans for 2013? Hubby and I were talking about this two days ago. We decided on three places, depending on if I am working again in the fall and how we feel as the summer approaches. We are looking into Lake George, which I am not too interested in. I think our son would LOVE Rocking Horse Ranch which is an all inclusive resort for families. It has everything for our family and would definitely hold the interest of our son.IT is pricey, but includes EVERYTHING.

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Rocking Horse Ranch

3. What room is never cleaned in your house? LOL… It would have been better to ask what rooms in my house are always clean. But when you have a wild kid who lives on destruction it’s hard to keep it clean. But I guess the worst room would be his bedroom, there’s toys and missing pieces all over the floor. My husband would say the living room, because he is always stepping on or sitting on small toys that make him wince in pain. Let’s not forget he likes to pull out our items and use them to play with his toys. I guess food containers are really cool toy accessories to a three year old.

wed destructoin3

4. What food must be in your house at all times? Almond milk, bread, dairy free butter, eggs, cheerios or rice krispies, cold cuts, mayo, and goldfish. Without those essential items I might be in trouble with Dinosaur.

5. Are you a hugger or more of a hands off person? It depends on the person really. I am always hugging and kissing my son and hope he will always hug me no matter how old he gets. But then I NEED my personal space…though I should be more affectionate with people that I love and cherish.

Wrapping a Gift and Hiding an Elf

1. If you bake during the holidays, what is your favorite thing to make? I enjoy making cookies with my son for Christmas, and it’s fun as each year it gets a little easier as he gets older….though I am probably jinxing myself this year, LOL.

2. Present giving: Gift bag vs wrapped box? It all depends on the gift… I prefer a box and wrapping paper, it’s more exciting to rip open. Though some gifts are easier in a bag, but I still try to wrap them up first.


3. What do you keep your thermostat on during the winter/summer in your house? I swear after pregnancy, my body is always hot..then suddenly I am freezing cold. In the winter I try to keep it on 68 degrees, but will raise it for a little until it warms then I lower it again. In the summer I’m a hot mess…it’s disgusting to watch. I need it as cold as possible, which annoys my hubby.

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What do you all keep your thermostats on?

4. When thinking of your “Christmas to-do list” what percentage “done” are you? I got a lot done at Pier One Imports yesterday and waiting for two packages to arrive in the mail. I just need to get hubby’s gifts and I’m done. So I’d say 90% done.

5. Do you do the “Elf on a Shelf”? If so, is your Elf naughty and what shenanigans has he gotten into?
I LOVE Elf on a Shelf, but it hasn’t worked as a behavior modifier, but more of a fun game every morning. Our Elf, Scooby Doo, has a penguin friend to hang out with him every day. This will definitely be a tradition each year in our home. Our apt is quite small, so finding a place to hide him as been challenging. I’m sure if I went on Pinterest, I’d find a few new hiding places.

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Running out of ideas to hide Scooby Doo and his Buddy

 

Thank You God

Five Minute Friday: THANK YOU

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Thank you God, Thank you for the life I have, for the ability to breath another day. Thank you for being able to see the beauty and joy in life.

Thank you for the beautiful and adventurous boy that calls me mommy. Every day I look at him, watch him jump, listen to him grown, hold him in my arms to comfort him, watch him become more independent, I am thankful that I get to experience this. There were many a dark day that I never though I would have this miracle. There were many days that I never though I would hear the word mommy and now it’s sweet music to my ears.

Thank you for apartment we are renting, while it was not where I expected to live, I am loving it. A yard to run around in, a driveway just for our car and for our son to drive around in, a porch to sit on and watch my son play, and a garage to store our decorations in is all more than I ever could have dreamed for. I always wanted this…but you gave it to me in the way I needed.

Thank  you God for allowing my son to have all his grandparents. I grew up with only one set and they left this world too soon. I am thrilled that he gets to enjoy the wonders of grandparents spoiling him with love.  As an only child these family connections are even more important to him.

Thank you God for welcoming me back to my faith after my absence. Even though I pushed you away, you welcomed me back with open arms, though I know you never left me alone.

Stay and Have Some Popcorn

I love trying to come up with a title for Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday. Sometime it’s so strange and weird, LOL.

Five Minute Friday: STAY

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Sometimes you just want to stay in the here and now. You don’t want things to change or grow, or be different. I want my little boy to stay my little boy, I want the peace I feel to stay. While things are not great, they could be worse and I am thankful for where we are right now.

While I want things to stay the way they are, I know that even as son grows our love will stay. I know that as I grow and mature, my faith in God will always stay. I know that God will always stay with me, even when we struggle and evil strikes.

I pray I will always stay connected to friends, those I see all the time and those I have met through blogging and Twilight. I pray I will always stay connected to family, my son needs to know who he is connected to. I pray I always stay connected to my husband even when our son grows and leaves. I pray that our son will stay connected to us as he grows and go through his teen years and becomes an adult. I pray that son will always stay connected to the faith in God that I have shown him and use good judgements through life.

want that mother son bond to always stay with us.

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1} What snack/drinks do you eat at the movies? I LOVE a big tub of popcorn and soda…not the healthiest, but who cares. I need it watch a movie. Movies just aren’t the same without them.

2} What’s one food you refuse to ever try? ANYTHING deep fried…. deep fried butter, oreos, onion rings, even veggies….YUCKY…I just can’t…ever…never will eat anything deep fried…I might gag just thinking about it.

3} What’s your favorite nail polish color? I only wear clear on my finger nails, which is rare…since my nails always split and crack. On my toe nails, I love a nice shade of dark red, it just makes me feel pretty in sandals…even my tiny toenails look cute.

4} What is your favorite thanksgiving tradition? Hmmm, that would be eating. Can eating be a tradition? LOL…seriously, Thanksgiving or any holiday, is now wonderful with a family of my own. I don’t think I have a “tradition” on Thanksgiving. I will have to see how others answer this question.

5} What are your least favorite words in the English language? When I hear or read “grotesque” or “gruesome” they bring awful images to mind…it’s from reading too many gory books.

Quiet, while I give birth

I love trying to come up with a title for Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday. Sometime it’s so strange and weird, LOL.

Five Minute Friday: QUIET

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

In a world bombarded with technology and media it is often hard to find true peace and quiet. With everyone in a rush to be first or best, we don’t take time to enjoy the serene moments in life. In that quiet meditation and prayers we find our answers. We find our peace and strength. In those quiet moments we find who we are and what we are meant to do. We are reminded that we are not alone and connected to a higher purpose in life.

As I teach my son to pray, pray not just himself but for others. I am teaching him that in quiet moments, he can hear and see what God wants of him. I am trying to teach him that in quiet moments he can reflect and recharge, if he learns that now how wonderful will it be for him when he is older.

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1. If you had c-section do you wish you would have had vaginal? Or vice versa? I had a c-section and glad I did. Not only was it an emergency and and saved my son’s life, but all my girl bits are still in tact. I think I healed fairly quickly, as I had to drive back and forth to the NICU by myself when eight days after I gave birth.

2. If vaginal did you go drug free?
I didn’t do vaginal, but if I did I needed drugs…I would have murdered those around me.

3. Did you have any complications? I had undiagnosed preeclampsia, doctor didn’t really do a great job, and I had to deliver five weeks early. He was so tiny and had no suck reflex. As for me, I was fine.

4. Who was in the delivery room with you? My hubby and my parents, but in the OR, hubby was just with me.

5. Did you document your labor and delivery? (Photos, videos, etc.) YES! one of the doctors filmed Dinosaur being taken out of my stomach. You don’t see anything gory or bloody, but you see him being pulled out. Dinosaur has watched it a few times.

6. Pick the birth story of one of your children and tell us ALLLLLLLL about it

I have only one child, but here goes. Four days after my sister’s wedding at thirty-five weeks, I was induced. See how big I was…I was so uncomfortable.

I had preeclampsia and was basically undiagnosed by my doctor, he really just didn’t do his job at all. Even though Dinosaur was small, he was stuck and the drugs they gave me for high blood pressure were counteracting the pain meds. I was in tremendous amounts of pain and nervous. I finally had to accept the c-section and was given the epidural, which had to be done twice since the first time wasn’t in the right spot. Yeah, it hurt but not as much as all the other stuff I went through. I was quickly rolled in and hooked up, I was so scared my organs were going to be all over the table. Hubby later told me he peeked over the curtain and said it looked like a war zone.

I didn’t feel pain, but felt lots of tugging and pulling, I felt them trying to get him out. I felt a him leave me and felt sadly empty without my baby. Hearing his voice was music to my ears, but I did mourn not being able to hold him and kiss him. After getting a look at my son I felt better but disheartened to hear that he would be spending time in the NICU for failure to suck. He would later spend twelve days in there.

 

I was a mess, so many people told me I suffered from post partom depression. They had no clue what that really is. Yes I depressed and crying all the time, because I couldn’t have my baby in my room while all the others mothers around me could. There is nothing worse than being in the maternity ward and seeing babies rolled to their mommies and knowing you have to be let into a secured room just to see yours. I made myself sick trying to spend all the time I could with him, it broke my heart when I had to leave and go back to my room without him. It was tortuous leaving the hospital without my son.

Of course all is well now and he’s a healthy three year old boy.

 

 

Roots and a Scary Book

I love trying to come up with a title for Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday. Sometime it’s so strange and weird, LOL.

Five Minute Friday: ROOTS

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

I know who I am, I am strong and firmly planted in my beliefs and values. The roots of who I am and what made me who I am hold strong and steady. I will not change or be easily persuaded.

I didn’t always have strong roots, I was easily misguided or unplanted and I was never happy. As I matured, I realized what really nattered in life, what held me  to who I was. Now I know, faith, family, and friends are what keeps my roots dug deep in the ground of life. 

I hope my son will have the same strong roots. I hope he will stay steadfast and not give in to peer pressure or social pressure. I hope he will dig his heels in and hold onto the roots that make him who he is. I want my son to follow his beliefs and values, I want him to follow Him.

But if he ever tumbles or fall in high winds or mistakes, I will be there to help him dig deep and replant his roots, I will always be there for him, always holding on tight when he needs me.

image from zazzle.com

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1. What terrifies you the most?  I am terrified of ghosts and spirits. I am terrified of the man living in our basement. I am terrified of evil spiders attacking us. I am terrified of driving in the snow. I am terrified of my son breaking a bone, I can’t handle broken bones. I am terrified of any harm coming to my son. I am terrified of my son being scared. Despite all that, I am pretty brave and will do anything to keep my son safe.

2. Favorite fall/winter drink? Oh in the fall there is nothing better than pumpkin and spices added to your teas or cider.

3. Do you and your spouse have the same political views? Depends on the issue, most times we agree. Other times he can’t understand my point of view as a woman and that is frustrating.

4. What was the last book you read? Was it any good? OMG I am currently reading, and by reading I mean books on tape, Tess Gerritsen, Rizzoli and Isle Series. It is GORY crime dramas that truly scare me but teach me to trust my instincts. (refer to question #1) The books are NOT for the faint of heart, but they are SO Good and addicting. I am currently reading the Keepsake…beyond amazing.

I am also reading Ellen DeGeneres’ autobiography Seriously…I’m Kidding. I am just starting it, but she cracks me up.

5. Do you look forward to the snow each winter? Why or why not? NO, I hate the winter as much as I hate the summer. It’s just too extreme of weather for me. I am always hot and then suddenly cold. I hate the snow, it terrifies me to drive in it (refer to question #1) and looks so nasty and dirty after a few days on the ground. In the summer I am always too freaking hot, I sweat like a faucet. I would love either fall or spring weather year round.

Voices can’t wake up hubby

I love trying to come up with a title for Five Minute Friday and Five Question Friday. Sometime it’s so strange and weird, LOL.

Five Minute Friday: VOICE

Five Minute Friday

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Sometimes my voice is harsh and rude and I regret what I have said.

Sometimes my voice is kind and loving and I can feel His love for me.

Sometimes my voice is calm and peaceful and I love the serenity.

Sometimes my voice is soothing and comforting as I rock my little man.

Sometimes my voice is strong and confident, other times nervous and unsure as I face a new situation.

No matter what my voice shows, I am loved and I love. I am never alone. I have voices around me that I love hearing and so thankful for the way it fills my heart.

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1. Who wakes up in the morning with the kids, you or hubby? LOL…Hubby wake up with him, LOLOLOL…he’d be in a deep sleep, letting our son cry in the crib with a soiled diaper.

2. Do you watch the World Series even if your team isn’t in it? I’m not really into sports, but I would. Hubby may be a Yankee fan, but he is also a baseball fan.

3. What is the best compliment you have received? While it is nice hearing I look good, I loved hearing that my son was so well-behaved in a store.

4. Do/did you dress up to take your kids trick or treating? I haven’t but now that he is older, he will want me to dress up with him. I won’t wear a full  costume, but I will look “Halloweeny”

5. Do you have a favorite bible verse? What is it and why?  I really like “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6. I like this because, I try to teach son that he will never be alone. God will always be on his side, even when he is scared, alone, or unsure. God will be there to show him the right path.