September Friday Funny

funny friday

Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

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Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by http://notthatsarahmichelle.blogspot.com Not That Sarah Michelle

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1. Humans have such short memories. All I have to do is wait it out and she’ll think the cat tore up the couch and rug. 


2. Yeah nice try, Mommy. I ain’t falling for that again. Dogs don’t need baths. We’re supposed to smell like other animal’s poop.


3.  I can’t believe Buddy fell for that trick. Doesn’t he know unless she says dog park it’s really the vet for shots. Last time she brought me there I lost what makes me a man. She’ll never find me in here. I may lose an eye or leg or this time. 


4.  I’ll teach that cat a lesson. As soon as he rests on the edge I’ll jump out and scare the crap out of him. Maybe he’ll lose one of his stupid lives. 


5. I didn’t mean to eat the two pies on the table. Seriously, who leaves pies out when they know I am can reach them. If they think I’m lost and search for me, when I come back home they’ll be so happy they will have forgotten about the pies. Yup, I have the best plans. 

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

 

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Fly on the Wall

FOTWWWW2

Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 13 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes

 

Participants:

Mommy: AKA Karen, me…the wife and mom 

Daddy: AKA Tony, husband and dad

AJ – our only child, a 7 year old boy who thinks he knows it all and is the one in charge

Bonus – our sweet and lovable adopted rat terrier 

 I had a computer issue and never posted August’s Fly on the Wall. So I am including new stuff and some things from August’s posts.

Me: “How come this Lego guy doesn’t have an arm?”

AJ: Rolls his eyes at me. “We don’t talk about that.”

While all hugging as a family

Tony: “I smell a mommy and an AJ. AJ smells like dirty and chocolate and Mommy smells like olive oil and cleaning products.

AJ: “No, Mommy smells like an angel.”

While driving home from after school he began to talk.

AJ: “Halloween is coming soon. I love all the holidays, except Valentine’s Day.”

Me: “Why don’t you like Valentines Day?”

AJ: “Because of that guy.”

Me: “What guy?”

Rolls his eyes “You know, the guy who flies around and makes people kiss. Yoiu know, Mommy, Cupid. Kissing is gross.”

Out at dinner with my sister-in-law and her husband. They were asking AJ some questions as he seemed tired or upset. By the looks on his face, you could tell he was getting more pissed with each question. I took him outside to see what was really wrong.

“I’m 7 years old. I don’t need everybody asking me all these questions. I’m not a baby.”

Boy when he’s in a mood we all suffer, LOL.

AJ walked around Rocking Horse Ranch as if he was the one in charge. He loved when staff talked to him and reminded them that he’s been there before.

“I come here every year. I know all about this place.”

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“I did it! I went down the slide. I am so awesome.”

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When you’re too tired to eat, but really want that brownie.

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He got picked to go on stage for LET’S MAKE A DEAL. It was one of the many awesome moments of vacation. No matter how much money he was offered ($7) he still wanted what was under the box. He won an cool Rocking Horse Ranch Tumblr!

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Stay Off The Bus

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Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

I’m using:

weed ~ golden pot ~ school ~ educational video ~ The Magic School Bus

They were submitted by: http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/   

I laughed at the collection of words! Seriously, how awesome of a mix. There was so many ways I could write this. We all think The Magic School Bus was an amazing television how that made science awesome and fun for kids. It made kids want to learn. We regard it as educational videos, but instead it could just be a delusion brought on by smoking some really heavy weed.

Think about it, the big yellow bus could symbolize a huge golden pot filled with weed. Each kid could symbolize a stereotype in life and the teacher, Mr. Fizzle is the dealer. She’s driving around getting people hooked on her magic bus.  The students are happy to get out of school, or rather their soul-sucking jobs, and space out on that magical bus.

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Come on the bus! I have special brownies for you!

Even better, they should make this an American Horror Story Episode. You are trapped on the a magical bus that shrinks you and takes you to disgusting places where the terror is nothing you could have ever imagined in your worst nightmares. All you can do is keep smoking the weed and hope you wake up-but you never do. Or one by one, Ms. Frizzle makes you live out your worst nightmares and you die slowly and painfully.

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Once you get on the bus, you can never get off.

Perhaps the worst thing that could happen is a porn is made off this. I really hope there isn’t one already. Isn’t it sad that there are people who say, “Oh wow, what a cool show or movie. I know how to make it even better, let’s turn it into porn.”

Yup, I totally went off on a tangent and made no sense. I am overworked with little sleep. No, I have NEVER smoked pot or taken any drugs. I just have a weird imagination.

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

Investing in an Education

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Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 11 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Secret Subject Swap

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

 

My Subject is….

You go to the bank and find out that there has been a deposit made into your checking about for 10,000. The deposit is a gift from a long past Uncle. Now what would you do with the money?

It was submitted by: http://www.thediaryofanalzheimerscaregiver.com/blog.html

Holy Moly, if only I could wake up one morning to find $10,000. Heck, I’d be happy with an extra $1,000.

After checking with the bank a thousand times and getting numerous notarized letters that this is in fact my money, I would finally let out a huge sigh of relief.

$7,000 would be put directly in my son’s college fund and $3,000 would be put directly in my son’s savings account. Sure it would be nice to pay of some debt or build our savings, but knowing AJ has money for his future is more important to me.

That extra money could make a huge difference in his plans for the future. AJ might decide to go to college, earn degrees, and build a career, Or he might decide to learn a trade and open his own business. Either way we would not only support him, but know he would have a great foundation to start his journey.

I’ll admit, I have ulterior motives, I want him to remember how nice I was to him. Why? It;’s simple, when it comes time for him to choose my nursing home, I want him to choose based on my needs and happiness rather than price.

 

August Funny Friday

funny friday

Today’s post is this month’s Funny Friday, a regular feature published on the last Friday of every month. Funny Friday is a collaborative project. Each month one of the participants submits a picture, then we all write 5 captions or thoughts inspired by that month’s picture. Links to the other bloggers’ posts are below, click on them and see what they’ve come up with. I hope we bring a smile to your face as you start your weekend.

Funny Friday | www.BakingInATornado.com | #MyGraphics

Here’s today’s picture. It was submitted by http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/ The Bergham Chronicles

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1. I told you we’d make money selling coffee to the parents. 


2. Come on boys. You’re not scared of a couple of girls, are you? 


3.  Did you see that? Cindy kissed Tommy. Now she has cooties. 


4.  Come and get some Girl Scout Cookies. Look at the parents run like animals. 


5.  I don’t care if you want to leave, Mommy. If you can catch me, I’ll go. May the odds be in your favor. 

Click on the links below and let some other bloggers make you smile:

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Can’t Pay with Pocket Lint

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Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

Your words are:

pennies ~ pocket lint ~ trapped ~ proper ~ back in black ~ munch

They were submitted by:  http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com

Summer is almost over and that means back to work. Yes, a good thing because I need money, since this pocket lint will not pay the bills or buy groceries. Seems that we only keep saving pennies, not the big bucks we need to really build up a good nest egg.

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It’s annoying to feel trapped by a money, feel trapped going to work everyday and and making just enough to pay bills. Just once I would like to have a good and proper nest, a cushion so we are not living paycheck to paycheck. Don’t get me wrong, we are in way living beyond our means, no we are cutting back on quite a bit. Is is wrong to dream of things going right just once in life?

debtI dream of sitting at home all day, munching on chocolate and cheese, while watching Criminal Minds, Murdoch Mysteries, Law and Order SVU, Bones, American Horror Story, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. In reality I need to get back in black or rather I should say slip on my Merrills and reactivate my Audible account.

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Since that will NEVER happen, I will keep working and trying to save. I will keep using coupons and budgeting every aspect of our lives. Maybe just one day it will pay off.

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts

Feeling Grateful

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Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 14 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Secret Subject Swap

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

 

 

My subject is:

What are five things you’re extremely grateful for? What is one thing you wish were true about your life, so you could be grateful for it?

It was submitted by: http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com      

So I have been very naughty and just finished writing this five minutes before it was scheduled to be posted. Sorry if it’s not that great…

1. My son. After all those years of trying to get pregnant and failing. After all those infertility treatments, injections, and hormones I am a mom. I love my son and so grateful I get to be his mom. He has an amazing personality and I know he will make a HUGE difference in this world.fg

2. My husband. Yes he’s a big kid. Yes he’s annoying as all hell and doesn’t know when to stop being a scutch, but I love him. Plus he puts up with me, you can’t beat that.

3. My apartment. Yes, we lost our condo a few years back, but I think it was for the best (for a few reasons). Sure we have a tiny ass apartment, but it has lots of positives. Close to town/Main street, close to AJ/s school, close to his after school program, and many more. You can read more about that here.fg

4. My Parents. You can beat parents like mine. Sure growing up I hated them, every kid thinks they know more than their parents and can do a better job. Looking back I know I was blessed to have them. Now they are amazing grandparents to my son. AJ has a wonderful bond with my dad, one that he will cherish for the rest of his life and one day continue with his grand kids.

5. Summers off. Maybe that sounds a bit selfish. I commute two hours each day to get to and from work and take AJ all over the place for after school activities I am done by 8pm every night. The summer is wonderful, he’s in camp all day while I get to chill, relax, organize, and clean. It;s my wonderful down time and I am enjoy it more than anything. Hubby has been teasing me about being home all day, but during the school year he has a few hours each morning after Anthony goes to school to do what he wants. I only get that for 7 weeks compared to his 10 months.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I wish that we had better credit. I wish we could put our $4,000 deductible on a credit card so we didn’t to do without doctor’s visits, medical care and medicine. Our credit was shot when I was laid off five years ago, we are still recovering from that. Not having to worry about health care would be a huge stress relief.

July Fly on the Wall

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Fly on the Wall

Welcome to a Fly on the Wall group post. Today 13 bloggers are inviting you to catch a glimpse of what you’d see if you were a fly on the wall in our homes. Come on in and buzz around my house.

Buzz around, see what you think, then click on these links for a peek into some other homes

Participants:

Mommy: AKA Karen, me…the wife and mom 

Daddy: AKA Tony, husband and dad

AJ – our only child, a 7 year old boy who thinks he knows it all and is the one in charge

Bonus – our sweet and lovable adopted rat terrier 

AJ:

As I dropped him off at the Boys and Girls club for summer camp, the assistant director said to Anthony. “You need to tell me a story.”

Why am I not surprised, he tells the best stories with his Italian hands moving all around.

While play wrestling with Daddy, “Take it easy, I’m just 7 years old.”

 

“Oh man, my fart stinks so bad.” then laughs hysterically

AJ never lets me rub his head, back, or kiss him unless it’s on his terms. Of course, when he’s sick or hurt kisses are must and back rubs are essential for a good night’s sleep.

So the other morning I said to him. “At least Bonus lets me kiss her.”

AJ: “That’s because she’s a dog and can’t wipe off your kisses. She doesn’t know she can do that.”

Well excuse the F out of me dude.

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This then led to another question during a nature show. An animal was giving brith, I don’t remember what mammal, but Anthony looked at me and said. “I though babies came out of the stomach, that baby didn’t come out of the stomach.

I knew were this was going.

“Yes, well when animals give birth the babies come out of the mommy’s vagina.” He looks at me in a combination of shock, horror, and disgust.

“What? But I came out of your stomach.”

“Well that’s because they had to cut you out because you were born early. Sometimes that happens and other times they come out of the vagina.”

Thankfully no questions about how the babies go tin there. Though if they did I would have had no issues in giving him direct answers that are

I have been trying to be more patient with AJ and not raise my voice. Today during his haircut he asked for a lollipop. Since it was not yet 12 noon, the barber said are you sure your mom will be okay with it. He swore I would be.

Of course I told him he had to each his lunch first. He groaned, but once we got int he car I knew I was going to hear major begging.

“I need to eat it now.”
“No, you have to have lunch first.”
“But I’m starving and I really want it.”
“I gave you my answer and the conversation is over.”
“I want it now!”
“Asked and answered.”
“I WANT IT NOW, MOMMY.”
“Asked and answered.”
“But, Mommy. I want it now. It’s mine and I should be able to eat it now.”
“Asked and answered.”
“Stop saying that. I want it now.”
“Asked and answered.”
“OH MY GOD, STOP SAYING THAT MOMMY. I AM GOING TO SAY THAT TOO NOW. ASKED AND ANSWERED. I WANT IT YOU MEAN MOMMY. IT’S MINE. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.” Then he screams at the top of his lungs and glares at me. Five seconds later we are pulling into the driveway.

He DID put it on the counter and eat all his lunch first. I told him I was proud of him for not opening it anyway and eating it.

 

 

 

Counting Down the Days

days couting

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

I’m using:

Plastic ~ Grandpa ~ Humming ~ Behind ~ Exchange ~ Lessor

They were submitted by: http://dlt-lifeontheranch.blogspot.com/

I can’t wait to go on vacation, seriously, I need to get away. I don’t want to do laundry, cook, or clean. I love where we go, as all the meals are included and there is always something fun for AJ to do. In fact, there is always a nighttime event for kids, so AJ is exhausted at night and sleeps late the next morning…which is a heaven.

I might just start humming as the days get closer and  I know I can just enjoy this time. When are we going? Sorry, can’t tell you that. I don’t think it’s safe at all to tell ANYONE when we are going on vacation. I don’t care if someone is staying behind watching our house or not. I just don’t believe it’s safe in letting the internet know you are out of town and basically inviting criminals to break in and rob us blind.

Some say it’s an expensive vacation and we could find a place to go that would be a lessor cost. The fact that we don’t have worry about meals or finding daily activities is a blessing. We do bring a snacks and plastic water bottles, in case we get the munchies in the early morning or late nights.

Though perhaps next summer we might exchange our normal plans for a different place, We’ll have to see what AJ thinks, since the vacations are all about him, right?

We would like to invite our parents, but it can be quite expensive for Grandmas and Grandpas. Though, it would be nice to have extra people to watch Anthony so mommy and daddy can get some quiet time for dinner or to just sleep!

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts

Nothing Personal, But…

peronal

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 14 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Secret Subject Swap

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

 

My subject is:

“Nothing personal, but…”

It was submitted by: http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/

Warning this post contains cursing. This prompt was like a loaded weapon, there were so many ways I could go with this and all included rage and cursing.

Nothing personal, but you are a major a** hat. Why? This is why…

Learn how to make a left turn…you are NOT supposed to drive over the yellow line. You are not the only person on the road douche drinker.

Since we are speaking about left turns genius, don’t pull all the way out so you can make a left turn after the light turns red. YOU ARE KEEPING ME FROM MAKING MY LEFT TURN when I get the arrow f*ckface.

Please use your flipping signal moron, we are not mind readers sh*t head.

Just so you know, driving practically on my bumper won’t make me go past the speed limit. In fact, it will only make me drive slower if I have some extra time. While your chilling behind me, why don’t you eat your own *ss.

Oh and while your at it, take that phone you are talking and texting on and shove it straight up your dumb *ss.

I really don’t care how much your car cost, you DO NOT own the road or are more important than anyone else. In case you haven’t noticed, your shit stinks like everyone else’s you arrogant f*ck.

Clean off your damn car when it snows. It’s not only dangerous and stupid, it’s illegal numb-nuts. I swear if my car gets damaged by your uncleaned ice, I will hunt you down and hurt you.

Yes, I need to be careful when I pull out of a spot in the parking lot, but that DOES’T mean you can walk behind my car after I start pulling out you c*nt. Are you looking to have your dumb *ss run over?

Don’t hit the pedestrian button then walk againt the light. Now the safe to walk sign comes on and there is no one there. So we all sit here int he car and wait for it to stop. Do you know how f*cking annoying that is? How rude and stupid is that? If you are going to hit the f*cking button than wait for it you f*ckface b*astard.

Okay, lets leave the road. Stop getting so upset by what you see on Facebook, ESPECIALLY if YOU have no problem posting all your religious and political opinions you selfish tw*t.

Speaking of selfish, clean up your dog’s sh*t f*cker. Seriously, that is one of the responsibilities of a being a dog owner. Don’t leave the dog’s shit on grass during walks or in the dog park. Most of all don’t pick it up just to leave the bag there. Stop being an arrogant d*ck.

Stop attacking other parents online. Seriously, you are FAR FROM PERFECT. We can’t be there like a hawk and when we are we are called helicopter parents. Parents made a tons of mistakes, accidents happened, and kids make stupid choices ALL BEFORE SOCIAL MEDIA. Now all the “perfect parents” and those who THINK they would make perfect parents are ready for the attack. No matter what parents do they are in the wrong and blamed for something. We have enough of our own guilt and stress, we don’t need to deal with you weirdos, freaks, and f*ckers. I doesn’t matter who breastfeeds or bottle feds, who works or doesn’t, who is an organic mom and who buys pre-made meals. Sure voice your opinions, but don’t attack or guilt. As long as our kids are loved and make it to adulthood without being a complete and utter *sshole that is all that matters.

Okay, I feel better now!

Anything you would add????