IVF Was The BEST Decision I Ever Made

FTSF collage (2)

Finish the Sentence Friday

“The best decision I ever made…was going through IVF.”  

 So many decisions have been made over the years that I am thankful for. Deciding to talk to that cute guy in my college literature class. Deciding to date him. Deciding to marry him. All have been wonderful, despite all our ups and downs, it was all worth it. But the BEST decision I ever made was to go through with In Vitro Fertilization. We had tried other fertility treatments, but THIS was the big one. It was going to be a long road and I was ready.

We took the class on how to properly fill syringes with doses of medicine and how to to properly inject the hormones. We filled out all the paperwork and waited for the delivery. Though when I emptied out the huge box and separated the multitude of syringes, needles sizes, hormones, medicines, and syringes I was utterly overwhelmed.

A full-blown panic attack ensued when some of the hormones did not match what the nurse gave me. I began sobbing and called the nurse who calmly explained that those were generic hormones and went through each item with me. In Vitro is NOT for the weak-hearted, looking at those needles scared me to death. Especially the progesterone one…it was so long, meant to go through fat.

long list

 

short list

My friend Cathy can attest to my break-down. I called her and explained it all, she made me laugh as usual. My friend Kit can attest to the horrors of injects as she was there for the VERY first injection that brought Dino into my life.

Sadly I was bloated and had undiagnosed preeclampsia during my pregnancy. Sadly I did not get to enjoy my sister’s wedding as much as I would have liked to. Sadly I delivered early due to complications from the undiagnosed preeclampsia.

sister wedding

What it all worth it? ABOSLUTELY!

birth sign

 

 

pictures

 

What is the best decision you ever made? 

Parenting Do Over

listicles 3-31 collage

listicles 3-31 collage2

This week’s list is from Cathy @ETNHome
1
0 Things you would do over as a parent

Karen

1. Don’t breast feed:  I had five infections in two months. Dino was/is allergic to dairy. I should have just stuck to the special formula. Sure it would have cost more money, but I would have had no guilt and lost precious time with my son. 

2. Use cloth diapers. Okay, even though I didn’t have a washing machine in my condo, I am sure there were places that I could have used. I am sure I could have found service that picks up dirty ones and delivers dirty ones. It would probably would have been cheaper than all the money we have spent on diapers and wipes. 

3. NO MORE ADVICE: I should have let those with unsolicited advice know, under no uncertain terms, that their advice and opinions are NOT needed or wanted. Now I am NOT talking about the kind and good-hearted advice. I am talking about the advice that is meant to judge, hurt, embarrass, or criticize you.

4. Let my husband help: I should have let my husband help in HIS way instead of making him do it my way. Sure there were some things he needed to understand, but most of the time it all turned out fine and I could have used the break. I mean so what if he put the onsie on over the pants, at least he dressed our son so I could take a shower and rest in peace. 

5. Date Nights: I should have set up monthly date nights, even if we didn’t have money. We could have found ways to go out and enjoy each other and strengthen our marriage.

6: House Cleaner: I should have hired a bi-weekly house cleaning service –  I thought doing that would say that I was not organized, messy, or not a good enough mom and wife. But in reality I don’t need anyone’s opinions. I’m a mom who works full time. After I come home from work, my teaching job doesn’t end, I have reports to write and lessons to plan.

Tony: 

7. Think before I react: I would have taken a second before I react to Dino’s behavior or words

8. Have another: IF we had time, money, and a guarantee that our last round of IVF would work…we would have had another kid so Dino could have a sibling. Though we are VERY happy with our son. He is a great kid with good manners. 

9. A different time: I wish Dino was brought up in a time similar to the time I was brought up. He could walk to school, not worry about who has the best cellphones or laptops, and no cyber bullying. It was a safer time when I was growing up, now there are too many dangers out there. 

10. Approval NOT needed: I wish I had used the line “Do I look like I need your approval?” when given unsolicited advice or complaints 

 linking up with

Mommy Monday Blog Hop

 

SMILING SPIDER-MAN

CollageDino had a blast this Halloween

He had a party at daycare where he got this as his favorite treat. His teacher, Ms. Kate, made this little trail mix for them…anything with poop is golden! Dino was in his glory eating ghost poop.

1031131719aThen we went trick or treating in town, thanks to a friend on Facebook, we knew the times we could head out for some Halloween fun. He was excited by all the costumes, but we saw LOTS of little kids as Iron Man and one Captain America, but no Hulk or Thor. We saw a HUGE banana, birthday cake, and Lego piece. Next year Dino wants to be a monster or an Avenger…at least he has a whole year to decide.

spiderman web graphics smile graphics leaves graphics

getting ready for battleHow was your Halloween? Did you get to go trick or treating?

38 Years and Halloween Memories

main CollageFinish the Sentence Friday

This week’s sentence is ”One Halloween I…celebrated as a mom.

When you are trying to have a child and it doesn’t work, you think about every special moment and holiday you will never experience as a mom. But that first Halloween with my little monkey was beautiful. Of course everything is a joyous moment when you are a mom…but even more so that I finally got to experience it. Sure he was almost 5 months old, but it was beautiful.

He was adorable in his monkey costume…so happy just to see mommy laugh and act silly. Did he understand what was going on? NOPE. Did he get to go trick or treating? NOPE Did he eat any candy? NOPE. Did I celebrate like mad, enjoying every moment? YOU BET YOUR @SS I DID!

monkey collageBesides, just a few days before Halloween is my bday…so I got to celebrate my birthday as a mom…another even made special all because of a beautiful boy.

Speaking of BIRTHDAYS……

cake Today I am 38 years old…yes 38 and in two years I’ll be 40 and I’m looking forward to it. Age is just a number, but I am more confident and secure than I was ten years ago….

At 38 years old I’ve

survived my teen years and some tremendously stupid choices and actions

graduated high school and earned a Masters Degree

got married and despite our ups and downs, we’ve been together 18 years and married 12 years.

have a son, despite all those years of heartache and fear, I am a MOM

became a teacher, then due to budget cuts lost my job and condo

found another teaching job and slowly rebuilding and re-imagining our dreams

hated myself, tried to changed who I was, then realized I was too special and finally love who I am

lost friends I wish were still around, lost friends who weren’t friends at all, and made friends who will always be a part of my heart

started blogging, then stopped, then started blogging again

My birthday gift to myself???? Superhero Family Car Decals….YES, I’M A GEEK and I love it…At least they aren’t Twilight decals. 

car decals

What Halloween memory do you have?

Tough Decison FTSF

decisionFinish the Sentence Friday

This week’s sentence is ”The hardest choice I ever made was…”

filling out and sending in the papers to destroy our frozen embryos.

I have spoken about this before and it still eats at me.

I could have either donated the embryos, but knowing that they were part of me and hubby, knowing that Dino’s brother or sister would have been out in the word, that my children were out in the world…well I couldn’t do it. I would worry that they would have a horrible life or the shock of one day running into someone who look just like Dino.

It killed me to destroy the embryos, they were our babies waiting to be born, but the money I put towards storing them was money I was taking away from Dino.

In the end I made a decision to focus our money on Dino and not what could have been. We got our miracle, our family and I needed to appreciate my blessings.

There are moments I wonder what it would have been if we took that chance and tried one last time for IVF…would it have worked? Would have I gone crazy if it didn’t? Would Dino finally have that imaginary sister he always talks about? Oh man, wonder if those embryos were girls and they are watching over him?

Then I also wonder if I would have had a repeat preeclampsia and my labor and delivery could be far worse this time around. What if had long lasting side effects or worse? Would that be fair to Dino?

In the end I know I made right decision, but it still hurts now and then.

 

 

SILLY SUNDAY, AWARD, and WEEKLY ROUNDUP


Collagelinking up with

Let's Get Social SundaySuper Sunday Sync

Yup changing my Sunday format again…think it’s best just to do a roundup and silly photos on Sundays. It’s going to get hectic with September approaching. I think doing silly photos and a round up will still allow me time to post on Sundays but not be too overwhelming. 

Dino dressed me up and had me take a pic of us…he thought I looked good.

silly momThis is what I deal with whenever I use the bathroom

silly dino

Dinosaur dancing in undies with a bucket on his head…in our house that IS normal. dancingBalboa liking his lips for more peanut butter in his chew chew (bone).

lickingBalboa standing in front of the camera, demanding both treats and butt rubs, but refusing
to look at me.

verbAWARD

The Golden Sideboob

What a boobtastic, boobawsome, booaliscious award, right? Boobies rule! They give nourishment and look great. I was never able to breast feed, but irks me when moms who do get grief for doing it in public. A woman can walk around, her boobs almost falling out, nipples almost showing, or headlights on full blast and that is not only hot, but okay. But when a mom feeds her baby, the way nature intended, it’s the most disgusting and embarrassing thing?

Seriously people…GET A GRIP.

Anyway this awesome award was given to me by Janine from

Janine's Confessions of A Mommyaholic

Of course I feel like a boob, because I didn’t see it until now…yup…my brain is mushed up. For this award you must thank the person who nominated you…THANK YOU JANINE FOR MY AWESOME GOLDEN SIDEBOOB AWARD! The second thing is to nominate another person who will appreciate getting the award…well…who would love getting boobies…hmmm. I wish I could nominate all of you…but that would be a long list. So I am nominating…

Lisa from The Squishable Baby

Karen from Baking in a Tornado

Carla from Real Into

WEEKLY ROUNDUP

eyes Collage  On Monday I participated in Listicles: 10 Ridiculous Things I Saw Online. NEXT MONDAY Both Hubby and I are listing our 10 Favorite Meals. Do you think they’ll be similar?

meal4 Collage   On Tuesday I posted another one of my meals-Italian Bread Pizza. NEXT TUESDAY I’ll post about another meal…Who hated it? Who loved it? Who only ate the sausage?

Collage  On Wednesday I posted pics of Dinosaur being silly. NEXT WEDNESDAY I’ll post pics of Dino playing with his toys in his closet.

oganization button  On Thursday I posted my first blog hop – Let’s Get Organized…NEXT THURSDAY I’ll have a guest host and talk about organizing fridges and blog posts. How do you organize either one or both?

PicMonkey Collage   On Friday I participated in Finish the Sentence Friday. NEXT FRIDAY I’ll finish the sentence “I wasn’t really myself when I…”

Collage    On Saturday I posted Dinosaur’s Story of dinosaurs everywhere. NEXT SATURDAY Dinosaur will talk about our walk over the Hudson River and how I freaked out a few times.

Dino is FOUR today

Dino’s 4th birthday party was a success.  I love that Dino was so thankful and appreciative of the party and gifts. He kept thanking his friends for coming and celebrating with him. When he gets wild and doesn’t listen, I remember what a kind, generous, thankful boy he is and it makes me smile. God sure has blessed me with a great kid.

Stew Leonard’s ROCKS at parties and I am glad we used them for Dino’s party. The food and kid activities were better than I imagined. Though yesterday we had this conversation which broke my heart a bit. He’s just too darn smart and I feel like he is testing me sometimes.

Me: Did you like Spiderman at your party?

Dino: Yeah, but he was just pretending, Mommy

Me: (trying not to be disappointed) What do you mean? That was really Spiderman.

Dino: No, Mommy. That was a costume not the real Spiderman. The real Spiderman doesn’t have strings on his head. (He was referring to the strings on the back of the mask.) And he didn’t shoot webs, Mommy.

Me: (He stumped me and I tried to come up with something to prove to him that this Spiderman WAS real, but how could I convince him in the face of such great evidence. Besides Spiderman didn’t even talk, LOL.) He wasn’t allowed to shoot webs at Stew Leonard’s. I think he has different masks, it was really hot yesterday and he probably wanted to take off his mask after he left.

Dino just looked at me in a way I could only describe as “you are full of horse poop mommy”. Then he shook his head and continue to play with his dinosaurs before I had interrupted him with my obviously stupid questions. I swear, this kid is too smart for his own good.  Did he put up with this “fake” Spiderman just to appease me, or did he realize Spiderman was fake afterwards? I guess this is the tough part of parenthood trying to convince them you are not delusional or weird; and trying to make them believe so you can keep them “young” forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Questions for Dinosaur at age 4: (I’ve seen these questions on quite a few blogs for their kid’s bdays. I loved the idea.) 

  1. What is your favorite color? pink, purple, and green
  2. What is your favorite toy? Scooby Doo
  3. What is your favorite fruit? apples and bananas
  4. What is your favorite vegetable? crunchy carrots
  5. What is your favorite show? Shawn the Sheep and Scooby Doo
  6. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch? hummus and pretzels 
  7. What is your favorite thing to wear? Spiderman underwear and shirt 
  8. What is your favorite game? bean bag game
  9. What is your favorite snack? gummies
  10. What is your favorite animal? piggy
  11. What is your favorite song? The Cat Came Back and Itsty Bitsy Spider
  12. What is your favorite story? No David book
  13. Who is your best friend? daddy and mommy (sniffles)
  14. What is your favorite cereal? Cheerios without almond milk
  15. What do you like to do when you go outside?  run, jump, play monster
  16. What is your favorite drink? apple juice
  17. What is your favorite holiday? My Birthday
  18. What do you like to take to bed with you? all my animals (and he does)
  19. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast? cookies (NOT TRUE)
  20. What is your favorite thing to eat for dinner? pasta, sauce, and meatballs
  21. What do you want to be when you grow up? firefighter and police man
newborn

My tiny little man

??????????????????????

One Year Old Dino

1111111111

One Year Old Dino next to Preemie Outfit

2

Two Year Old Dino

22222

Two Year Old Dino next to Preemie Outfit

3

Three Year Old Dino

333333

Three Year Old Dino next to Preemie Outfit

SMILE2 text

4th Birthday photo

preemie outfit2 BLOG

his preemie outfit looks so tiny compared to him.

Blessed with Motherhood

Many years ago motherhood was just a dream. Many years ago I feared that I would never be a mom, but you came into my life.

You, my dear son, have shown me what motherhood and unconditional love really means.

I may joke about how crazy and loud you are. I may joke that I sometimes bang my head on the wall with your incessant screaming or jumping. I may complain about lost toys, ruined furniture, uneaten dinners, and temper tantrums.

Motherhood is hard, we sometimes need to vent to other moms, it does not take away from our love or devotion to your children. Venting and laughing with other moms does not take away from being awesome mothers, it only makes our bonds stronger and our appreciation of what we have deeper.

I love my son, love him more deeply than words could ever explain. I loved him when I first saw him as a three day embryo when he implanted that wonderful Saturday morning. My love grew each day for the beautiful son growing inside of me. My love grew when I finally held you in my arms. I knew at that very moment you were my life, the beautiful gift that your daddy and I created. You are a gift from God, a blessing, a miracle I will cherish for the rest of my life.

two days old

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

CAM02773

  imagination2

Linking up with

Let's Get Social Sunday

12 Years of Us – Our Anniversary

Hubby and I have been married twelve years!!! TWELVE YEARS!!! Even more amazing, I haven’t killed him!

There have been…

tears

laughter

fights

shouts

joys

disappointments

heartaches

lulls

embarrassments

jubilations

celebrations

revelations

despair

hope

enlightenment

love

…and through it all we are still together. There may be times I want to beat him with a cast iron skillet, but I do love him. I love our family.

I love where we started, where we began, our journey, our right now, and what we have yet to discover. I pray that we can help each other get though it all.

CAM02529

3 (2).bmp

©2013 dinoheromommy.com

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

sleeping with mommy 2 (2)

cuddling with daddy (2)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Our Family (2)

CAM02471 (2)