Helping an Only Child Make Friends

Children with siblings get thousands of hours of practice at negotiating, sharing and making up. Only children can get that practice too; it just takes a little more planning from the grown-ups around them.

Make regular, easy contact

• Short, frequent playdates beat long, rare ones. An hour at the park after school is plenty.
• Cousins and family friends can act like part-time siblings. Regular visits build lasting bonds.
• The same group, week after week: a library story time, a swimming class or a sports team lets friendships form naturally.

Practise the skills at home

Play turn-taking board games and card games together, and let your child lose sometimes. Share a snack and let them do the dividing. Talk about feelings in books and films: how do you think she felt when her friend left her out? These small moments build the skills children use on the playground.

Let small conflicts happen

It is tempting to step in the moment two children argue over a toy. Unless someone is getting hurt, wait a moment. Children learn negotiation by doing it. Afterwards, talk through what happened and what they might try next time.

Watch for your own worries

Many parents of only children feel guilty, and that guilt can turn into filling every hour with activities or friends. Children also need unstructured time and the chance to be bored. A child who can happily play alone and also enjoys being with friends is doing well.

When to ask for help

If your child seems very anxious around other children, consistently has no friends at school, or their teacher raises concerns, talk with your child's doctor or school counsellor. Most of the time, social skills simply develop with practice and time.